On a weekend where hundreds of thousands of people in New England were left without power and roads were strangulated with snow, Marlboro College was just enjoying its first good heap o’ winter. I mean, most people here love snow, throwing it, rolling in it, sledding on it, reenacting the nine orders of snow angels from Dante’s Il Paradiso in it. Heck, we even eat the stuff with maple syrup on top. It’s like one of the local food groups: grilled cheese, macaroni and cheese, cheese pizza, chicken tenders and snow. We can eat a 20-inch storm and still have room for more.
A post on Inside Higher Ed shows that Marlboro did not let any measly ol’ winter storm interfere with the most venerable and anticipated of educational traditions: broomball. A double-elimination tournament over two days tested the slip-sliding and trash-talking skills of nine teams, with fiendishly daring names like Apuckalypse and Ball the Way and Death Angels (right).
Phallek Jaunzemi, a team named in homage to formidable goalie Alek Jaunzemis ’13, made it to the finals, barely edging past Where’s Willson (left), a team named in homage to student life coordinator Willson Gaul ’10…as well as Daniel Kalla’s Broken Heart’s Club Band, a team named in homage to charming junior Daniel Kalla. But in the end the Jaunzemi fell to Shiva and the Benevolent Destroyers, the faculty and staff team named in homage to the fierce Hindu god who, let’s face it, sets the standard for invincibility, might and terror (prompting other teams to reconsider who they will pay homage to in the future).
Okay, correct me if I’m wrong, and I know you will, but I believe this is the first time a faculty/staff team has won the whole broomball enchilada since 1987, which is, like, prehistoric for a college student. The final game was an absolute nail-biter—the stuff of Potash Hill legend. Philosophy professor and team captain William “one-in-whom-the-whole-creation-sleeps-after-dissolution” Edelglass whipped his team into a benevolent frenzy with techno-Indian music, incense and the team chant of “ooooooom.” There was no score until the last moments, when writing professor Kyhl Lyndgaard made the winning goal. But the MVP (Mahadeva, or “great god,” Player) goes to Matt Cherry, counseling intern at the Total Health Center, who scored eight of Shiva’s goals and rocketed them to broomball history.